like a marble

Do you remember those marbles you used to play with, or at least find while playing in the sand or grass? They had different designs inside. I'm thinking specifically of the marble that had a swirl of colors throughout. I feel like one of those kinds of marbles right now, swirled with nausea and exhaustion, rolling on this ramp that just goes around and around and around and around and around. It's confusing because I don't know when I will stop, and I have not been able to get a handle on the everyday responsibilities in my life like caring for the kids, preparing meals, cleaning up a bit (so everyone has underwear to wear for the next day) as I roll and swirl. I am also filled with a sense of loss for my friends who have not yet been able to bear children, or those who have lost children in miscarriage. These emotions swirled with my joy in being pregnant are again confusing. And perhaps this will be upsetting for you the reader as I'm not sure I can say much more. You are left hanging.

Perhaps a bit of the truth of Christ we leave both of us a little more settled through tonight. I know that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. There is rest for our souls, no matter life or death, in our Savior, Jesus. And, as we have been studying in John 11 in the death and resurrection of Lazarus, Jesus intends suffering for so many reasons beyond on our understanding. As our pastor pointed out in the word of God, some of those reasons were as follows: to display Jesus’ affections, to reveal Jesus’ identity, to manifest the glory of God, to manifest the glory of the Son of God, to demonstrate Jesus’ power over death for all who believe, so that some would believe, to strengthen the faith of His followers, to make His way to the cross, to give us a glimpse of the grace of God in suffering, to bring eternal perspective to temporal-minded people, to change Lazarus forever!, and to give us a physical picture of regeneration. Have you ever experienced these "revelations" of God in suffering. Though the suffering is horrific and painful, how powerful is Christ to be working for our good even in the darkness overshadowing our hearts and minds. I still can't fully grasp it.